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The chart below shows the % of people who have part-time jobs in the countries of United Kingdom both in 1980 and 2010.

The chart below shows the % of people who have part-time jobs in the countries of United Kingdom both in 1980 and 2010. J3Na0
The chart below shows the % of people who have part-time jobs in the countries of United Kingdom both in 1980 and 2010. There has been a small increase in part-time workers from 1980 to 2010, Except in Northern Ireland. As is shown in the chart the highest % of people was Wales and England. In 1980, 25% of people in the England worked part-time. Wales was the only country with a higher % of part-time workers with around 33% working part-time. Both countries had an increase in the % of part - time workers in 2010. In England, the % rose to over 30% and in the Wales % jumped to just over 35%. Scotland had the lowest % of part-time workers in 1980, with just over 10%. However, this increased to almost 20% in 2010 which is a large increase. Lastly, the % of part-time workers in Northern Ireland decreased in 1980, it had around 15% of people in part-time work. This decreased by a couple of % in 2010.
The chart below
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shows
the % of
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people
who have part-time jobs in the countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the United Kingdom".
of United Kingdom
both in 1980 and 2010.

There has been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
increase in part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
from 1980 to 2010, Except in Northern Ireland. As
is shown
in the chart the highest % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was Wales and England.

In 1980, 25% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the England worked part-time. Wales was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
country with a higher % of part-time
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workers
with around 33% working part-time. Both countries had an increase in the % of part
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
time
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workers
in 2010. In England, the % rose to over 30% and in the Wales % jumped to
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just
over 35%.

Scotland had the lowest % of part-time
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workers
in 1980, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 10%.
However
, this increased to almost 20% in 2010 which is a large increase.

Lastly
, the % of part-time
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workers
in Northern Ireland decreased in 1980, it had around 15% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in part-time work. This decreased by a couple of % in 2010.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the % of people who have part-time jobs in the countries of United Kingdom both in 1980 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
172 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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