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These days, as gender conflicts become serious in many countries, gender equality is also becoming important.

These days, as gender conflicts become serious in many countries, gender equality is also becoming important. o53dw
These days, as gender conflicts become serious in many countries, gender equality is also becoming important. Some people believe that women still do not have the same social status and chances as men. I disagree with women don't have the same rights and chances as men, I think most countries aim to gender equality and women's right have already grown too much. On the one hand, In modern society, discrimination against women is no longer taking place. This is because the government has eliminated many evil laws and the social atmosphere is not allowing gender discrimination. It cannot be denied that there was gender discrimination in the Middle Ages. But now both gender have equal opportunities. For example, we can be seen that the current number of female chief has increased enormously over the years. This is the evidence that society values ability over gender. So, it can be seen that women got the same opportunity as a result. On the other hand, women's rights have also been promoted a lot. Rather, the law on violence or sexual crimes are committed by men will be strengthened, and sex crimes committed by women will be reduced. Compared to other countries, this happens more often only in Korea. A woman committed the crime of living with a disability for a men's lifetime, but she received some compensation. There was an incident in which a woman asked for an astronomical amount of money because her clothes touched her. In summary, women's opportunities and rights are equal to men. Rather, there is also a problem caused by expanding the scope of women's rights by unreasonable demands without being aware of it.
These days, as gender conflicts become serious in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, gender equality is
also
becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
still
do not have the same social status and chances as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. I disagree with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
don't have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
and chances as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
most countries aim to gender equality and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
have already grown too much.

On the one hand, In modern society, discrimination against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is no longer taking place. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has eliminated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
evil laws and the social atmosphere is not allowing gender discrimination. It cannot
be denied
that there was gender discrimination in the Middle Ages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
both gender have equal opportunities.
For example
, we can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
number of female chief has increased
enormously
over the years. This is the evidence that society values ability over gender.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the same opportunity
as a result
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
have
also
been promoted
a lot.
Rather
, the law on violence or sexual crimes
are committed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
will
be strengthened
, and sex crimes committed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. Compared to other countries, this happens more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in Korea. A woman committed the crime of living with a disability for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's lifetime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she received
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
compensation. There was an incident in which a woman
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asked for
an astronomical amount of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
her clothes touched her.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women's
opportunities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
are equal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Rather
, there is
also
a problem caused by expanding the scope of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
by unreasonable demands without being aware of it.
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IELTS academic These days, as gender conflicts become serious in many countries, gender equality is also becoming important.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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