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the chart below shows the number of visitors monthly in summer, 2013 (in thousand

the chart below shows the number of visitors monthly in summer, 2013 (in thousand YkewV
The supplied figure provides data on how many voyagers came to the three types of museum, namely British, science and natural history in summer month in 2013. Looking from an overall, it is apparent that there was a slight decline for visitors of natural history while British museum and science one saw level off, but with some variations over the time given. As the chart highlights, British museum showed a fluctuation in the months of June – august that reached a peak in July with around 730 thousand commuters. Furthermore, in August it hit its trough at 500 thousand. Afterwards, until September it grew gradually and showed approximately 650. 000. By contrast, the proportion of science museum dipped from about 550. 000 to just below 400. 000 before staying unchanged until august. Afterwards, it witnessed a moderate increase to just below 500. 000. The value of natural history stayed at 400. 000 then it shrink gradually until august to 300. 000 after have experienced a considerable climb till September, at approximately 440. 000.
The supplied figure provides data on how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
voyagers came to the three types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
,
namely
British, science and natural history in summer month in 2013.

Looking from an
overall
, it is apparent that there was a slight decline for visitors of natural history while British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and science one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
level off,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
variations over the time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

As the chart highlights, British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a fluctuation in the months of June –
The month "August" needs to be capitalized.
august
that reached a peak in July with around 730 thousand commuters.
Furthermore
, in August it hit its trough at 500 thousand. Afterwards, until September it grew
gradually
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
approximately 650. 000.

By contrast, the proportion of science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
dipped from about 550. 000 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 400. 000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
staying unchanged until
The month "August" needs to be capitalized.
august
. Afterwards, it witnessed a moderate increase to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 500. 000. The value of natural history stayed at 400. 000 then it
Did you mean "shrinks"?
shrink
gradually
until
The month "August" needs to be capitalized.
august
to 300. 000 after have experienced a considerable climb till September, at approximately 440.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
.
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IELTS academic the chart below shows the number of visitors monthly in summer, 2013 (in thousand

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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