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The chart below shows the number of old people travelling abroad for a period of ten years.

The chart below shows the number of old people travelling abroad for a period of ten years. BaqXa
The bar chart outlines how many old people travelled overseas between 1985 and 1995, a period of ten years. Overall, there was a steady increase in the number of visits abroad by older adults, who showed a growing interest in international travel. The graph clearly shows that the number of old tourists visiting other countries began at just under 6 million in 1985 and rose significantly to over 14 million in 1995. There was a constant increase in the number of this group of travelers from the mid 80’s to 1990. In a period only of five years from the beginning of the year in 1985, the number went up from 5 million to 11 million, which was more than double its first recorded number. There was a small dip in the number of international visitors from 11 million in 1990 to about 10. 5 million in 1991 before climbing steadily to just under 16 million by the final year.
The bar chart outlines how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travelled overseas between 1985 and 1995, a period of ten years.
Overall
, there was a steady increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of visits abroad by older adults, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a growing interest in international travel.

The graph
clearly
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shows
that the
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number
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
tourists visiting other countries began at
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just
under 6
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million
in 1985 and rose
significantly
to over 14
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million
in 1995. There was a constant increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of this group of travelers from the mid
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "80s".
80’s
to 1990. In a period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
of five years from the beginning of the
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year
in 1985, the
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number
went up from 5
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million
to 11
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million
, which was more than double its
first
recorded number.

There was a
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small
dip in the
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number
of international visitors from 11
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million
in 1990 to about 10. 5
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million
in 1991
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before
climbing
steadily
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
by the final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the number of old people travelling abroad for a period of ten years.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
160 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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