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The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education

The bar chart compares the amount of girls per 100 boys admitted in three different education category in 1990 and 1998. It is clear that tertiary education was most pupils admitted in developed countries between 1990 and 1998 while developing countries was lowest pupils admitted in over the 8 years period. In 1990, developed countries were 105 and then it increased to 112 while developing countries were increased 9% over the some time in the tertiary education. However, in the secondary education, developed countries and developing countries went up 1% and 10% respectively. Developing countries were 83% and then it rose to 4% between 1990 and 1998 while developed countries is grow up mildly 1% in primary education in 1990 and 1998.
The bar chart compares the amount of girls per 100 boys admitted in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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education
Possible agreement error. The noun ‘category’ seems to be countable, so consider using: “categories”.
category
in 1990 and 1998.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
was most pupils admitted in
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developed
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countries
between 1990 and 1998 while developing
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countries
was
A determiner is probably missing here: “the lowest”.
lowest
pupils admitted in over the 8 years period.

In 1990,
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developed
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countries
were
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
105 and
then it increased to 112 while developing
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countries
were increased
9% over the
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some
time in the tertiary
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education
.
However
, in the secondary
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education
,
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developed
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countries
and developing
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countries
went up 1% and 10%
respectively
.

Developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
were
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
83% and
then it rose to 4% between 1990 and 1998 while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is
Consider using either the past participle “grown” or the present participle “growing” here.
grow
up
mildly
1% in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in 1990 and 1998.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
122 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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