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The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015.

The two charts show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in the years 2005 and 2015. In general, we can see that the percentages of working people increased, with the proportion of women showing the most significant rise. In all of the countries covered, and in both years, the number of men in employment was greater than the number of women. South Korea has the highest rate of male employment – approximately 75% in 2005, rising slightly to about 78% in 2015 – and Canada has the lowest – just over 60% in 2005 and 70% in 2015. The proportion of women in employment was lower than men in all of the countries covered over the two years. It was below 50% everywhere in 2005, but the figures had risen by 2015. In Canada, over half of the women were working, and in Sweden the figure was exactly 50%. In contrast, the number of South Korean women who were working was only about 35% compared with a percentage which was more than double for men at over 70%.
The two charts
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show
the percentages of
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men
and
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women
in
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employment
in three countries in the years 2005 and 2015.
In general
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the percentages of working
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people
increased, with the proportion of
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women
showing the most significant rise.

In
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all of the
countries covered, and in both years, the number of
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men
in
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employment
was greater than the number of
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women
. South Korea has the highest rate of male
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employment
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–
approximately 75% in 2005, rising
slightly
to about 78% in 2015
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–
and Canada has the lowest
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–
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just
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over
60% in 2005 and 70% in 2015.

The proportion of
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women
in
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employment
was lower than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in
Consider using “all the”.
all of the
countries covered
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over
the two years. It was below 50% everywhere in 2005,
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but
the figures had risen by 2015. In Canada,
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over
half of the
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women
were working, and in Sweden the figure was exactly 50%.
In contrast
, the number of South Korean
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women
who were working was
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only
about 35% compared with a percentage which was more than double for
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men
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
70%.
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IELTS academic The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
183 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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