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The chart below shows the market share of mobile phones in each country in 2015.

The chart below shows the market share of mobile phones in each country in 2015. N3rBy
The given chart presents data about market share of mobile phones in 5 countries: UK, USA, Germany, China and Brazil. The reaserch was conducted in 2015. Overall, the main visable trend is that Android software in every country was the most popular one wheras Windows was last in ranking of popularity. Taking into consideration UK, in 2015 over half of people living in that country used Android software ( specificly 51, 5 % of total) while Windows just 7. 5 %. In contrast, in Brazil significant majority ( which is 91% participants in this survey ) choose Android as the best mobile phone platform. Two countries had similar situations, in terms of popularity of phone platform share. It can be clearly seen that in Germany 71 % of population were working on Android software wheras in China 2 % more. IOS was used in Germany by 18 % of total participants in that survey while in China 7 % more ( which is 25 % ). The windows mobile platform share was a minority being in percentage respectively 9 % in Germany and 1 % in China of total.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart presents data about market share of mobile phones in 5
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countries
: UK, USA, Germany, China and Brazil. The
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reaserch
was conducted
in 2015.

Overall
, the main
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visable
trend is that Android software in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
was the most popular one
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wheras
Windows was last in ranking of popularity.

Taking into consideration UK, in 2015 over half of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in that
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country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Android software
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(
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specificly
51, 5 % of total) while Windows
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just
7. 5 %.
In contrast
, in Brazil significant majority
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(
which is 91% participants in this survey
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
choose Android as the best mobile phone platform.

Two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
had similar situations, in terms of popularity of phone platform share. It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in Germany 71 % of population were working on Android software
Possible spelling mistake found.
wheras
in China 2 % more. IOS was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in Germany by 18 % of total participants in that survey while in China 7 % more
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
which is 25 %
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
. The windows mobile platform share was a minority being in percentage
respectively
9 % in Germany and 1 % in China of total.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the market share of mobile phones in each country in 2015.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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