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Natiosn should spend more on vocalisonal training rather than university education. Does the advantages outway the disavatages

Natiosn should spend more on vocalisonal training rather than university education. Does the advantages outway the disavatages Eq3nB
In the fast growing era, developed and developing countries should should provide more importance to educational sector. Majority of the people believe that nation should spend more money on vocational training rather than university education. Here, I strongly feel that nation should accord more priority to practical work rather than university education to grow an individual and also overcome the escalating unemployment ratio. It is irreputable that majority of people do not have skills which in demand to get an high wage jobs due to the bookish knowledge provided by the university and not focusing on the hand on experience. In fact, if the people start getting the vocational training with the university degree it will assist them to succeed in life with flying colors. As a result, a persons overall growth is directly proportional to overall development of the country. For example, in a recent survey it was found that many high wage jobs required both bookish knowledge and hand on experience with some other domain specific knowledge.
In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
growing era, developed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
Possible typo: you repeated a word
should should
provide more importance to educational sector. Majority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that nation should spend more money on vocational training
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education. Here, I
strongly
feel that nation should accord more priority to practical work
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education to grow an individual and
also
overcome the escalating unemployment ratio.

It is
Possible spelling mistake found.
irreputable
that majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which in demand to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
high wage jobs due to the bookish knowledge provided by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and not focusing on the hand on experience. In fact, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
getting the vocational training with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree it will assist them to succeed in life with flying colors.
As a result
, a persons
overall
growth is
directly
proportional to
overall
development of the country.
For example
, in a recent survey it
was found
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
high wage jobs required both bookish knowledge and hand on experience with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other domain specific knowledge.

IELTS academic Natiosn should spend more on vocalisonal training rather than university education. Does the advantages outway the disavatages

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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