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The chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006

The bar chart represents the worldwide turnover of various types of electronic games of the time frame of seven years. Overall, the console games experienced a downward trend whereas, the console games showed an upward trend at the end of the period as shown in the chart. Each games faced fluctuations in revenue throughout the year. At the begiining of the year, the turnover rate of console games was below 6 percent whereas the rate of handful games was less than 18 percent. Referring to the online games, it started to generate turnover from 2001 onwards. After that, it started to increase throughout the time period. after 3 years, mobile games generated revenue of mobile games and had a hike of revenue throught the years. At the end of the period, consile games faced a downward trend of turnover of less around 3 percent. On the same year, handful faced an upward trend of revenue of around 18 percent, outracing the revenue of all the other games presented in the chart.
The bar chart represents the worldwide
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turnover
of various types of electronic
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games
of the time frame of seven years.
Overall
, the console
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games
experienced a downward
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trend
whereas, the console
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games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an upward
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trend
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period as shown in the chart.
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular. Did you mean "all"?
Each
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games
faced fluctuations in
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revenue
throughout the
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year
. At the
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begiining
of the
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year
, the
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turnover
rate of console
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games
was below 6
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percent
whereas the rate of handful
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games
was less than 18
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percent
. Referring to the online
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games
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to generate
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turnover
from 2001 onwards. After that, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to increase throughout the time period.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
3 years, mobile
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games
generated
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revenue
of mobile
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games
and had a hike of
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revenue
Possible spelling mistake found.
throught
the years. At the
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end
of the period,
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consile
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games
faced a downward
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trend
of
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turnover
of less around 3
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percent
. On the same
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year
, handful faced an upward
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trend
of
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revenue
of around 18
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percent
, outracing the
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revenue
of all the other
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games
presented in the chart.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
171 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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