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The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories by the citizens in UK in 2004.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories by the citizens in UK in 2004. 8GdoV
The spending of remuneration on three different categories (food and drinks, restaurant and hotel, and entertainment) among different age groups of britishers in UK in 2004 is demonstrated by the bar graph. The data has been measured in percentage. After an Overall analysis of the given graph it is clear that, the highest spend went on food and drinks as well as the entertainment and least expenditure went on restaurant and hotel. To begin with, the highest spend went on food and drinks by all age groups recorded above 20 percent, except people under 30 that is only near about 5 percent. Moreover, the expenditure on restaurant and hotel was slightly identical by the public under 30, between 31-45 and between 46-60 (about 14%, 13% and 12% respectively) as compared to people lying between age group 61-75 was less than 5 percent and over 75 years was about 5 percent. Furthermore, the spent on entertainment was highest by the society between 61-75 years as opposed to all the age groups that is over 20 percent. Similarly, there was nearly same spent on the entertainment by age group 31-45 as well as under 30 (nearly 7% and 9% respectively). People between 46-60 showed high spend entertainment that is nearly 12% than the senior citizens that is near about 5 percent.
The spending of remuneration on three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories (food and drinks, restaurant and hotel, and entertainment) among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
britishers
in UK in 2004
is demonstrated
by the bar graph. The data has
been measured
in percentage. After an
Overall
analysis of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graph it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, the highest spend went on food and drinks
as well
as the entertainment and least expenditure went on restaurant and hotel.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the highest spend went on food and drinks by all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
recorded above 20
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percent
, except
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
under 30
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
near about 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
Moreover
, the expenditure on restaurant and hotel was
slightly
identical by the public under 30, between 31-45 and between 46-60 (about 14%, 13% and 12%
respectively
) as compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lying between
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
61-75 was less than 5
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percent
and over 75 years was about 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
Furthermore
, the spent on entertainment was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
by the society between 61-75 years as opposed to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
that is
over 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
Similarly
, there was
nearly
same spent on the entertainment by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
31-45
as well
as under 30 (
nearly
7% and 9%
respectively
).
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
between 46-60
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
high spend entertainment
that is
nearly
12% than the senior citizens
that is
near about 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories by the citizens in UK in 2004.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
219 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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