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The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011 n8WE
the bar chart illustrates information regarding the amount of rentals and sales in different types of movies from a particular store from 2002 to 2011. At first glance, it is evident that the annual number of rentals decreases significantly over the period, and this trend was followed by VHS sales, even just the first four years. Noted, the annual number of DVD sales saw a dramatic increase until the middle of period and it was a dramatic decrease at the end of period. According to the bar chart, it shows that the annual number between rentals and VHS sales have the similar pattern, both figures experienced a slight decrease of the period in question. The annual number of rentals stood at around 180, 000 in 2002 and it was a slight decrease at 60, 000 in 2011. And the amount of VHS sales dropped from 80, 000 to 10, 000 in 2005. Moving to a more detailed analysis from the bar chart, it reveals that DVS sales type increase gradually at the first six years, and it was reached a peak at approximately 300, 00 in 2007. While this figure saw a significant decrease over the next period. Finally, the annual number of blue-ray sales only resulted at around 10, 000 in the end of period.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
bar chart illustrates information regarding the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rentals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of movies from a particular store from 2002 to 2011. At
first
glance, it is evident that the annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rentals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decreases
significantly
over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, and this trend
was followed
by VHS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the
first
four years. Noted, the annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of DVD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a dramatic increase until the middle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
and it was a dramatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decrease
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of period.

According to the bar chart, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rentals
and VHS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
have the similar pattern, both figures experienced a slight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decrease
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
in question. The annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rentals
stood at around 180, 000 in 2002 and it was a slight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decrease
at 60, 000 in 2011. And the amount of VHS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
dropped from 80, 000 to 10, 000 in 2005.

Moving to a more detailed analysis from the bar chart, it reveals that DVS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
type increase
gradually
at the
first
six years, and it
was reached
a peak at approximately 300, 00 in 2007.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
this figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decrease
over the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
.
Finally
, the annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Did you mean "Blu-ray"?
blue-ray
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
resulted at around 10, 000 in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
216 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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