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the chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status

the chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status 12rA
The given column graph illustrates how much leisure time spent between 1989 and 1990, sorted by sex and employment status. The time is measured by hours per week. Overall, in all categories men enjoyed more leisure time than women. Meanwhile the highest number of leisure hours is spent by unemployed and retired males and females. As it is shown in the graph, unemployed and retired men enjoyed the same amount of leisure time which is precisely 80 hours per week. By the same way women of the same categories shared also 70 hours of leisure time with 10 hours less than men. Full time employed men and women are the category that represent the less number of leisure time compared to the other categories, with nearly 50 hours for males and less than 40 hours for females. For part time time employed and housewives, only women are represented by 50 and 40 hours respectively.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
column graph illustrates how much
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leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent between 1989 and 1990, sorted by sex and employment status. The
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time
is measured
by
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hours
per week.

Overall
, in all
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categories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
enjoyed more
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leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than
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women
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
the highest number of
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leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is spent
by unemployed and retired males and females.

As it
is shown
in the graph, unemployed and retired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
enjoyed the same amount of
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leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which is
precisely
80
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hours
per week. By the same way
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women
of the same
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categories
shared
also
70
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hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
less than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

Full
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time
employed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
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women
are the
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category
that represent the less number of
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leisure
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time
compared to the other
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categories
, with
nearly
50
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hours
for males and less than 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for females.

For part
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time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
employed and housewives,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are represented
by 50 and 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
respectively
.
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IELTS academic the chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
154 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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