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The chart below shows participation in certain sports by Australian children after school hours in 2010

The chart below shows participation in certain sports by Australian children after school hours in 2010 eRM0K
The bar chart compares attendance in clear activities by Australian children after school hours in 2010. Overall, it can be seen that football and netball are the most popular figure in both boys and girls. For boys, nearly 20 percent of school-age children football. This figure is about 6 fewer percent more than the percent of no sports at around 2 percent. The second and third best spending trend is swimming and football at around 14 percent and 20 percent respectively. In addition, netball and no sports stay the same 2 percent. Girls participate almost 2 percent lower swimming than boys at around 16 percent of school-age children. Its lowest participation hours are Netball. While boys participate more most of the time as compared to girls. Girls spend less percent of no sports the percent on football as compared to Boys at about 20 percent of school-age children and 2 percent respectively
The bar chart compares attendance in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
activities by Australian
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children
after school hours in 2010.
Overall
, it can be
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seen
that
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football
and netball are the most popular figure in both
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boys
and
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girls
. For
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boys
,
nearly
20
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percent
of school-age
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children
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football
. This figure is about 6 fewer
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percent
more than the
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percent
of no sports at around 2
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percent
. The second and third best spending trend is swimming and
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football
at around 14
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percent
and 20
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percent
respectively
.
In addition
, netball and no sports stay the same 2
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percent
.
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Girls
participate almost 2
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percent
lower swimming than
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boys
at around 16
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percent
of school-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Its lowest participation hours are Netball. While
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boys
participate
Use only "most" (without 'more') when you use the superlative.
more most
of the time as compared to
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girls
.
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Girls
spend less
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percent
of no sports the
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percent
on
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football
as compared to
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Boys
at about 20
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percent
of school-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and 2
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percent
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
respectively
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IELTS academic The chart below shows participation in certain sports by Australian children after school hours in 2010

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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