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the chart below shows how many people exercised on a given day and if they had a company or not

the chart below shows how many people exercised on a given day and if they had a company or not l7om1
The bar chart compares the proportion of males and females who did exercise activities alone or with a group on a given day. Overall, It is clear from the chart that people of both genders taking part in sport alone was by far the highest proportion in four different types of activities whereas either males or females exercised rarely with Co-workers. Interestingly, the total number of females who did physical activities on a particular day is slightly higher than the engagement of males in sports. . There was an equal number of men and women engaging in exercise activities alone and with colleagues. However, the exercise level alone was 26 times as much as Co-worker ( 52% as opposed to 2%), that means colleagues became the one which engaged in sports lower than others exercise. By contrast, despite having more proportions than colleagues, both Family and Friends had the reverse position with each other. Whereas the former was far higher with girls than boys (29% as opposed to 22%), the latter’s boys level of participation was slightly higher than girl ( 22% and 21% accordingly) the chart below shows how many people exercised on a given day and if they had a company or not
The bar chart compares the proportion of males and females who did exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
or with a group on a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
day.

Overall
, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the chart that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of both genders taking part in sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
was by far the highest proportion in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
whereas either males or females
The adverb 'rarely' is usually put before the verb 'exercised'.
exercised rarely
with Co-workers.
Interestingly
, the total number of females who did physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
on a particular day is
slightly
higher than the engagement of males in sports.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


There was an equal number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women engaging in exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
and with colleagues.
However
, the exercise level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
was 26 times as much as Co-worker
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
52% as opposed to 2%), that means colleagues became the one which engaged in sports lower than others exercise.

By contrast, despite having more proportions than colleagues, both Family and Friends had the reverse position with each other. Whereas the former was far higher with girls than boys (29% as opposed to 22%), the latter’s boys level of participation was
slightly
higher than girl
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
22% and 21%
accordingly
) the chart below
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
exercised on a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
day and if they had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
not
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IELTS academic the chart below shows how many people exercised on a given day and if they had a company or not

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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