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The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phones brands between 2009 and 2013

The bar graph compares the number of different items sales by two shops in July. The data is given in million units. Overall, it is seen clearly from the given line chart that shop a sold the most number of mobile phones and tablets than shop b. Shop b was in the top position in terms of sales in laptops and pc in this list in July. In July, the number of units of laptop sold by shop a and shop b was 15 million units and 30 million units respectively. Furthermore, shop and shop b sold personal computers in a range of 10 million and 15 million in July. Moreover, purchases of mobiles and tablets by the shop a were at 100 million and 55 million respectively, whereas shop b sold the number of mobile handsets and tablet handsets were nearly 45 millions and 49 million respectively, which were the lower sales than shop a.
The bar graph compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
items sales by two
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shops
in July. The data is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
units.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line chart that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
a sold the most
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number
of mobile phones and tablets than
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shop
b.
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Shop
b was in the top position in terms of sales in laptops and
Possible spelling mistake found.
pc
in this list in July.

In July, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of units of laptop sold by
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shop
a and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
b was 15
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million
units and 30
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million
units
respectively
.
Furthermore
,
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shop
and
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shop
b sold personal computers in a range of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
and 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in July.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
of mobiles and tablets by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
a were at 100
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million
and 55
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
respectively
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
b sold the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of mobile handsets and tablet handsets were
nearly
45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
and 49
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
respectively
, which were the lower sales than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
Did you forget something after 'a'?
a.

IELTS academic The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phones brands between 2009 and 2013

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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