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the chart below show uk and us energy consumption in 2000 and 2006

the chart below show uk and us energy consumption in 2000 and 2006 b395q
The graph illustrates the energy consumption of UK and USA in 2000 and 2006. One striking feature of the charts is oil was the most-used energy in USA in 2000 while coal was mostly consumed by UK residents in the same two years. In addition, gas was the most used in 2006. Looking at the details, as regards non-renewable sources of energy, oil and coal were the most popular sources in UK and USA in 2000, with approximately 27% and 37% of citizens using oil and as many as 30% and 35% of them consuming coal, respectively. Meanwhile, the corresponding figures for gas and nuclear power were substantially lower, at 20% and 15% in UK.
The graph illustrates the energy consumption of UK and USA in 2000 and 2006.

One striking feature of the charts is oil was the most-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
energy
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
in 2000 while coal was
mostly
consumed by UK residents in the same two years.
In addition
, gas was the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in 2006. Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, as regards non-renewable sources of energy, oil and coal were the most popular sources in UK and USA in 2000, with approximately 27% and 37% of citizens using oil and as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as 30% and 35% of them consuming coal,
respectively
. Meanwhile, the corresponding figures for gas and nuclear power were
substantially
lower, at 20% and 15% in UK.
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IELTS academic the chart below show uk and us energy consumption in 2000 and 2006

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
115 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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