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men and women in Australia in 2010 who were of various ages and engaged in regular physical activity.

men and women in Australia in 2010 who were of various ages and engaged in regular physical activity. PkY8j
The bar graph demonstrates the proportion of men and women in Australia in 2010 who were of various ages and engaged in regular physical activity. We know that in 2010, the proportion of females who engaged in regular physical activity was higher than the same proportion of males in Australia. Only in the 15-to-24 age group did the percentage of Australian men doing frequent physical activity exceed the percentage of Australian women doing regular exercise across all age groups. The most significant difference was found in the 35-to-44 age group, while the smallest difference was found in the 65-and-up age group. Males and females had the opposite tendency in terms of proportion change. The percentage of males participating in regular training peaked in the 15-to-24 age group (42. 8 percent), then dropped sharply to 39. 5 percent before gradually increasing to 46. 7 percent in all male groups. In 45-to-54-year-old women, the proportion of females who exercise frequently peaks at 53. 3 percent. In conclusion, more Australian women engaged in regular physical activity than Australian men who exercised frequently. In Australia, the percentage of women who engage in regular physical activity has risen and then fallen across all age groups, whereas the trend for men is the inverse.
The bar graph demonstrates the
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proportion
of
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men
and
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women
in Australia in 2010

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who
were of various
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ages
and engaged in
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regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity.

We know that in 2010, the
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proportion
of females
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who
engaged in
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regular
physical

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activity
was higher than the same
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proportion
of males in Australia.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
in the 15-to-24
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age
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group
did the
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percentage
of Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
doing frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity

exceed the
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percentage
of Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
exercise across all age

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groups
.

The most significant difference
was found
in the 35-to-44
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age
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group
, while the smallest difference
was found
in the 65-and-up
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age
group.

Males and females had the opposite tendency in terms of
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proportion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of males participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
training peaked in the 15-to-24
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
(42. 8 percent), then dropped
sharply
to 39. 5 percent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
gradually


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increasing
to 46. 7 percent in all male groups.

In 45-to-54-year-
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old
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women
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of females
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who
exercise
frequently
peaks at 53. 3 percent.

In conclusion
, more Australian
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women
engaged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity than Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
exercised
frequently
.

In Australia, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity has risen and then fallen across all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, whereas the trend for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
is the inverse.
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IELTS academic men and women in Australia in 2010 who were of various ages and engaged in regular physical activity.

Academic
  American English
14 paragraphs
208 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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