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the chart below show the main methods of transportation for people travelling to one university for work or study in 2004 and 2009

the chart below show the main methods of transportation for people travelling to one university for work or study in 2004 and 2009 p3ED
The pie charts compare the key modes of conveyance for a university staff and students in the years 2004 and 2009. Overall, it can be seen that most of the people preferred to travel by car in 2004 whereas, a majority of people liked to commute by bus in 2009. To begin with, around half of the commuters used their cars to travel in 2004, followed by one-third travellers who went by bus. Only 9% of the people used their bicycles, and the remaining 7% either walked to the university (4%) or travelled by train (3%). In the next five years, however, there were drastic changes in the modes of transportation utilised by the people. Buses became the first choice of the people due to the construction of a new bus stop at the university in 2006. Around 55% less people travelled by car due to the changes in the car parking in 2008. Interestingly, 40% more people rode their bicycles. However, trains and walking remained at the bottom line of the people's choice to go to the university in 2009.
The pie charts compare the key modes of conveyance for a
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university
staff and students in the years 2004 and 2009.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that most of the
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people
preferred to travel by
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car
in 2004 whereas, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
liked to commute by bus in 2009.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, around half of the commuters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their
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cars
to travel in 2004, followed by one-third
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
who went by bus.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
9% of the
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their bicycles, and the remaining 7% either walked to the
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university
(4%) or travelled by train (3%).

In the
next
five years,
however
, there were drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the modes of transportation
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by the
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people
. Buses became the
first
choice of the
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people
due to the construction of a new bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
at the
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university
in 2006. Around 55% less
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people
travelled by
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car
due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
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car
parking in 2008.
Interestingly
, 40% more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rode their bicycles.
However
, trains and walking remained at the bottom line of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's choice to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in 2009.
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IELTS academic the chart below show the main methods of transportation for people travelling to one university for work or study in 2004 and 2009

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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