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the chart below show the changes in the use of Internet in comparison with the radio and television as a mean of obtaining information in the city of Banana from 2000 to the end of 2008

the chart below show the changes in the use of Internet in comparison with the radio and television as a mean of obtaining information in the city of Banana from 2000 to the end of 2008 b2EMY
The line graph depicts the changes in the number of people using different means of collecting data namely the Internet, the radio and television in Banana City during an 8-year period, starting from 2000. Overall, it is clear that the figures of the radio and television saw downward trends while there was a sharp increase in Internet users. Looking at the graph more closely, one can see that in 2005, the number of radio listeners decreased to 300 thousand from 800 thousand in first year of period and continued to decline substantially to 15 thousand in 2008. Likewise, the figure of television viewers began with 200 thousand initially but in the following 8 years, that of people watching television roughly halved to 60 thousand. On the contrary, although there were only 5000 people surfed the Internet by 2000, there was a rapid growth in the use of Internet until 2006s when it overtook the number of the radio listeners and television users and reached a peak of 800 thousand in the last year in question.
The line graph depicts the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
means of collecting data
namely
the Internet, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
in Banana City during an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
8-year
period, starting from 2000.
Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the figures of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
downward trends while there was a sharp increase in Internet users.

Looking at the graph more
closely
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that in 2005, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
listeners decreased to 300 thousand from 800 thousand in
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of period and continued to decline
substantially
to 15 thousand in 2008.

Likewise
, the figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
viewers began with 200 thousand
initially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the following 8 years, that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
roughly halved to 60 thousand.

On the contrary
, although there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
surfed the Internet by 2000, there was a rapid growth in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of Internet until 2006s when it overtook the number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
listeners and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
users and reached a peak of 800 thousand in the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
in question.
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IELTS academic the chart below show the changes in the use of Internet in comparison with the radio and television as a mean of obtaining information in the city of Banana from 2000 to the end of 2008

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
175 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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