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The chart below gives information about the number of social networking sites people used in Canada in 2014 and 2015.

The chart below gives information about the number of social networking sites people used in Canada in 2014 and 2015. 0799
The bar chart illustrates the various internet websites were used by people of Canada in two years - 2014 and 2015. Overall, people used more networking sites in year 2014 and it significantly decreased in year 2015. It is worth noticing that, in both years, percentage of people using sites were decreasing along with the rose of sites up to five sites. In 2014, 36% of Canadians used only one networking site, and it was the highest in the chart. Also, only 22% of people didn't used social media. But, the highest figure'one site'dropped significantly in year 2015 from 36% to 28%. With that, 'no sites'portion also fallen slightly from 22% to 21% respectively. In contrast, the proportion of sites usage grow over 'three sites'to'five sites'. The 'two sites'figure increased by only 1% in 2015. While remaining percentages of other three categories of using internet websites by Canadian people were increased by nearly 2-4%.
The bar chart illustrates the various internet websites were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
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people
of Canada in two years
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
2014 and 2015.

Overall
,
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more networking
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sites
in
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year
2014 and it
significantly
decreased in
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year
2015. It is worth noticing that, in both years, percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
were decreasing along with the rose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
up to five sites.

In 2014, 36% of Canadians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one networking
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site
, and it was the highest in the chart.
Also
,
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only
22% of
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people
didn't
The verb 'didn't' requires base form of this verb: "use"
used
social media.
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But
, the highest figure'one site'dropped
significantly
in
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year
2015 from 36% to 28%. With that, 'no sites'portion
also
fallen
slightly
from 22% to 21%
respectively
.

In contrast
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
usage grow over 'three sites'to'five sites'. The 'two sites'figure increased by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% in 2015.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
remaining percentages of other three categories of using internet websites by Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were increased
by
nearly
2-4%.
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IELTS academic The chart below gives information about the number of social networking sites people used in Canada in 2014 and 2015.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
154 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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