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The chart below gives information about global sales of games software, CDs and DVD or video.

The chart below gives information about global sales of games software, CDs and DVD or video. VBQm7
The bar chart illustrates the global sales of games software, CDs and DVD/video during 4 - year period, from 2000 to 2003. Overall, it is clear that the sale of DVD/video increased significantly and CDs sale was the item having the highest figure of sale during this period. In 2000, CDs sale was the highest figure, at 35 billion dollar. DVD/video sale was 18 billion, a little bit higher than games software sale which was only 15 billion. After 2 years, in 2002, the sale of both games software and DVD/video increased. There was a notiable increase of DVD/video sale, from 18 billion in 2000 to 25 billion in 2002. Whereas, the sale of games software rose up slightly, from 15 billion to 18 billion. In contrast, the sale of CDs tended to decline during this period. From 35 billion in 2000, this figure fell to only 31 billion in 2003 but still the highest sale among three items. In the same year, DVD/video sale reached a peak of 31 billion while this figure for games software was 29 billion.
The bar chart illustrates the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
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games
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software
,
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CDs
and DVD/video during 4
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
year period, from 2000 to 2003.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of DVD/video increased
significantly
and
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CDs
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sale
was the item having the highest
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figure
of
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sale
during this period.

In 2000,
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CDs
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sale
was the highest
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figure
, at 35
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billion
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
. DVD/video
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sale
was 18
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billion
, a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
higher than
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games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15
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billion
. After 2 years, in 2002, the
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sale
of both
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games
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software
and DVD/video increased. There was a
Possible spelling mistake found.
notiable
increase of DVD/video
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sale
, from 18
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billion
in 2000 to 25
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billion
in 2002. Whereas, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of
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games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
rose up
slightly
, from 15
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billion
to 18 billion.

In contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
tended to decline during this period. From 35
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billion
in 2000, this
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figure
fell to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
31
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billion
in 2003
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
the highest
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sale
among three items. In the same year, DVD/video
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sale
reached a peak of 31
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billion
while this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
was 29
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
.
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IELTS academic The chart below gives information about global sales of games software, CDs and DVD or video.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
180 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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