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The chart and table below give information about exercise and absenteesim in two departments of a major company.

The chart and table below give information about exercise and absenteesim in two departments of a major company. o6rJB
There are given a chart and table on the information of exercise and absenteeism. This data is taken from two departments of a major company in 2012 and figures are given in percentages. Overall, in both departments, hours of exercise between 5 and 10 have a dominant role and the number of absenteeism because of illnesses is higher in London department. To commence, the most striking figures were between 5 and 10 hours by 50 percent and just under 50 percent eployees who did exercise per week in Birminghan and London departments respectively. 10 percent employees spent less than 5 hours in Birmingham while it was 35 percent in London department. Spending more than 15 hours ranked the least degree with 10 percent and 8 percent people every week. Looking at the details of the table, in 2012, no absenteeism showed 380 employees in Birmingham and 158 in London department. Among 1000 employees, 378 people were absent while it was 594 people between 1-5 days in a year. Interestingly, in more than 5 days per year, the level of absenteeism was nearly the same with 243 and 248 people.
There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chart and table on the information of exercise and absenteeism. This data
is taken
from two
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departments
of a major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in 2012 and figures are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in percentages.
Overall
, in both
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departments
,
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hours
of exercise between 5 and 10 have a dominant role and the number of absenteeism
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because
of illnesses is higher in London
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department
. To commence, the most striking figures were between 5 and 10
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hours
by 50
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percent
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 50
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percent
Possible spelling mistake found.
eployees
who did exercise per week in
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Birminghan
and London
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departments
respectively
. 10
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percent
employees spent less than 5
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hours
in Birmingham while it was 35
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percent
in London
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department
. Spending more than 15
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hours
ranked the least degree with 10
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percent
and 8
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percent
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people
every week. Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of the table, in 2012, no absenteeism
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showed
380 employees in Birmingham and 158 in London
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department
. Among 1000 employees, 378
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people
were absent while it was 594
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people
between 1-5 days in a year.
Interestingly
, in more than 5 days per year, the level of absenteeism was
nearly
the same with 243 and 248
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS academic The chart and table below give information about exercise and absenteesim in two departments of a major company.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
189 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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