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The changing rates of crime in the inner city from 2003-2012

The changing rates of crime in the inner city from 2003-2012 B0Mm
The chart shows some data about the different crimes executed by local people in Newport city from 2003 to 2012. We will analyze the number of incidents according to three different crimes: burglary, car theft and robbery. First, let’s take a look at the robbery numbers. It is noticeable that robbery is the less committed crime with a range between 500 and 1000 incidents per year. 2008 was the year with less robberies and 2005 the year with the most incidents with almost 1000. Secondly, let’s analyze car thefts data, which are surprisingly higher than the robbery incidents. In 2006 the city experienced about 2000 car thefts, and since then it has been increasing rapidly. In 2012, the numbers were higher than 2500 incidents. Finally, we have burglary, that used to be the most problematic crime back at 2004, but the incident numbers have been decreasing importantly. The thefts had fallen form over 3500 to 1300 in a range of eight years. We can conclude that the crimes in Newport have been changing considerably through the years. Fortunately, the burglary problem is now being controlled and we expect numbers to keep decreasing. On the other hand, car theft is clearly still a crime that has not been correctly manipulated by the government because numbers are higher than ever before, while robbery has been continuously experiencing no more than 1000 incidents per year.
The chart
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shows
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some
data about the
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different
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crimes
executed by local
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people
in Newport city from 2003 to 2012. We will analyze the
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number
of
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incidents
according to three
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different
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crimes
: burglary,
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car
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theft
and robbery.

First
,
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let
’s take a look at the
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robbery
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numbers
. It is noticeable that
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robbery
is the
Make sure that the adjective 'less' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'committed'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
less committed
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crime
with a range between 500 and 1000
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incidents
per
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year
. 2008 was the
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year
with
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun robberies is countable.
less
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robberies
and 2005 the
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year
with the most
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incidents
with almost 1000.

Secondly
,
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let
’s analyze
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car
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thefts
data, which are
surprisingly
higher than the
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robbery
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incidents
. In 2006 the city experienced about 2000
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car
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thefts
, and since then it has been increasing
rapidly
. In 2012, the
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numbers
were higher than 2500 incidents.

Finally
, we have burglary, that
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used
to be the most problematic
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crime
back at 2004,
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but
the
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incident
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numbers
have been decreasing
importantly
. The
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thefts
had fallen form over 3500 to 1300 in a range of eight years.

We can conclude that the
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crimes
in Newport have been changing
considerably
through the years.
Fortunately
, the burglary problem is
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now
being
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
controlled and
we
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expect
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numbers
to
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keep
decreasing.
On the other hand
,
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car
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theft
is
clearly
still
a
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crime
that has not been
correctly
manipulated by the
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government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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numbers
are higher than ever
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before
, while
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robbery
has been
continuously
experiencing no more than 1000
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incidents
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
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IELTS academic The changing rates of crime in the inner city from 2003-2012

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
232 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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