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the below two chart show the percentage of pollutants that pollute a certain area of ocean.

the below two chart show the percentage of pollutants that pollute a certain area of ocean. BgQ9w
The given diagrams demonstrate the rate of different types of pollutants that contaminated a specific zone of the ocean in the time period between 19 97 and 2007. From an overall perspective, the air pollutants along with domestic sewage were the primary reasons for ocean pollution, whilst, the role of the litter was insignificant. In 1997, 30% of the total pollutants came from air then followed by marine, domestic sewage, as well as, industrial waste, which were, 20%, 18%, and 17%, separately. However, the farm waste together with litter and offshore oil were made a minor contribution to contaminate the ocean environment. According to the second graph, the percentage of domestic waste showed a sharp increase from 18% to 29% of the total pollutants in 2007. Conversely, the marine, as well as industrial waste depicted a declining trend over the time period. It is interesting to notice that, in 2007 litter played no influence in an ocean whereas the impact of the farm waste was also faced a decrease. Though, the proportion of offshore oil presented a remarkable growth in 2007. To sum up, the pollution from sewage and offshore oil had increased although there was a drop in other factors.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagrams demonstrate the rate of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutants
that contaminated a specific zone of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ocean
in the time period between 19 97 and 2007.

From an
overall
perspective, the air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutants
along with domestic sewage were the primary reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ocean
pollution, whilst, the role of the litter was insignificant.

In 1997, 30% of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutants
came from air then followed by marine, domestic sewage,
as well
as, industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
, which were, 20%, 18%, and 17%,
separately
.
However
, the farm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
together with litter and offshore oil
were made
a minor contribution to contaminate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ocean
environment.

According to the second graph, the percentage of domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a sharp increase from 18% to 29% of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutants
in 2007.
Conversely
, the marine,
as well
as industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
depicted a declining trend over the time period. It is interesting to notice that, in 2007 litter played no influence in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ocean
whereas the impact of the farm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
was
also
faced a decrease.
“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
, the proportion of offshore oil presented a remarkable growth in 2007.

To sum up, the pollution from sewage and offshore oil had increased although there was a drop in other factors.
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IELTS academic the below two chart show the percentage of pollutants that pollute a certain area of ocean.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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