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The Bart charts show the difference in the usage of water in three various ways in six countries.

The Bart charts show the difference in the usage of water in three various ways in six countries. oERJB
Overall, in all 6 countries the biggest proportion of water was used for agricultural purposes. The lowest numbers were on domestic use in 3 areas (Africa, central Asia and South East Asia). Water was utilized mostly in agricultural purposes more than over three-quarters in 4 countries. While this number differs significantly nearly 40 % compared with other 2 countries. The lowest proportion was on domestic usage in 3 countries. While this numbers were more slightly about 3 and 4 % in Europe, North and South America. The people in Central and South East Asia used water at the same proportion at 7%. Industrial use of water was utilized mostly in 2 big areas. There were twice as many usage of water in Europe as industrial use in North America. In other countries this proportion was dramatically low and African and Central Asian local people was the lowest users of water in industrial purposes nearly the same percentage 7 and 5.
Overall
, in all 6
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countries
the biggest
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proportion
of
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water
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for agricultural purposes. The lowest numbers were on domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in 3 areas (Africa,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
central Asia
and South East Asia).

Water
was utilized
mostly
in agricultural purposes more than over three-quarters in 4
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countries
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
this number differs
significantly
nearly
40 % compared with other 2
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countries
. The lowest
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proportion
was on domestic usage in 3
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countries
. While
Did you mean "these"?
this
numbers were more
slightly
about 3 and 4 % in Europe, North and South America. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Central and South East Asia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
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water
at the same
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proportion
at 7%.

Industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
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water
was utilized
mostly
in 2
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
areas. There were twice as
Possible agreement error. The noun usage seems to be countable; consider using: "many usages".
many usage
of
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water
in Europe as industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in North America. In other
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countries
this
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proportion
was
dramatically
low and African and Central Asian local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was the lowest users of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in industrial purposes
nearly
the same percentage 7 and 5.

IELTS academic The Bart charts show the difference in the usage of water in three various ways in six countries.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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