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the bar graph shows the number of medals won by different countries over a period of time.

the bar graph shows the number of medals won by different countries over a period of time. 25bOJ
The bar graph illustrates the number of different medals won by 12 countries over a period of time. This essay will summarize the information and will describe the trends. Out of one dozen countries USA has the highest number of all three medals i. e 800, 100 and 500, gold silver and bronze respectively, which touches the number of 2200 medals. As we move down the list Soviet Union the country with highest number of gold medals, i. e almost 400 and total number of medals is 1000. UK, France, Germany and Italy are the countries which exceeded or just touch the digit of 500. On the other hand, the remaining six countries couldn’t cross this number. Japan, China and East Germany has almost same number of medals while the rest three have a few more than them. The countries other than USA and Soviet Union has same number of gold medals with a slight difference yet the difference in total number varied because of bronze and silver.
The bar graph illustrates the
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number
of
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different
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medals
won by 12
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countries
over a period of time. This essay will summarize the information and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the trends.

Out of one dozen
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countries
USA has the highest
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number
of all three
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medals
i. e 800, 100 and 500, gold silver and bronze
respectively
, which touches the
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number
of 2200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
. As we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
down the list Soviet Union the
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country
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
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number
of gold
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medals
, i. e almost 400 and total
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
is 1000.

UK, France, Germany and Italy are the
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countries
which exceeded or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
touch the digit of 500.
On the other hand
, the remaining six
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countries
couldn’t cross this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
. Japan, China and East Germany has almost same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
while the rest three have a few more than them.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
other
A determiner is probably missing here: "than the USA".
than USA
and Soviet Union has same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of gold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
with a slight difference
yet
the difference in total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
varied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of bronze and silver.
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IELTS academic the bar graph shows the number of medals won by different countries over a period of time.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
168 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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