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 The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006.

The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006. yXXXg
The chart illustrate the information about the global sales of diverse kinds of Digital Games, Console Games and Handheld Games from 2000 to 2006. Overall, in four items the sales of Handled Games was maximum from 2000 to 2006, While the sales of Mobile Games phone were the least. In 2000, the sales of Handled Games were almost 12 billion then graph increase throughout the year and it reached at 18 billion in 2006. The sales of Console Games were 6 billion in 2000. But the pattern start were decreasing 2000 to 2006. But the sales were almost same in 2003 and 2004. The sale of mobile phone games were null in year 2000 and 2001, however, the sales began in 2002. which was 4 billion and increased to 8 billion in 2006. Finally, the online games sales were started in 2001, which is 2 billion and reached at 10 billions in 2006.
The chart
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "illustrates".
illustrate
the information about the global
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sales
of diverse kinds of Digital
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Games
, Console
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Games
and Handheld
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Games
from 2000 to 2006.
Overall
, in four items the
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sales
of Handled
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Games
was maximum from 2000 to 2006, While the
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sales
of Mobile
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Games
phone were the least. In 2000, the
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sales
of Handled
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Games
were almost 12
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billion
then graph increase throughout the year and it reached at 18
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billion
in 2006. The
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sales
of Console
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Games
were 6
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billion
in 2000.
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But
the pattern
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start
were decreasing 2000 to 2006.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
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sales
were almost same in 2003 and 2004. The
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sale
of mobile phone
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games
were null in year 2000 and 2001,
however
, the
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sales
began in 2002.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
was 4
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billion
and increased to 8
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billion
in 2006.
Finally
, the online
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games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
were
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started
in 2001, which is 2
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billion
and reached at 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
in 2006.

IELTS academic The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
153 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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