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The bar graph shows the global sales (in billion of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006

The bar graph shows the global sales (in billion of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006 Nr80m
The bar graph compares the global sales of 4 different kinds of digital games between the years 2000 to 2006. From the start of the year 2000, the high sale of handheld games were seen as the highest of all games with just below $12 billion and it reach its peak to near $18 billion in 2006. In contrast, console games, which was the 2nd to the highest sale with $6 billion in 2000, dramatically decline it's value to $3 billion after 6 years. Online games and mobile phone games were not popular at first, but their market started to climb in 2001 and 2002 respectively. Online games started with around $1 billion and it increase significantly to around $9 billion after 5 years. The last game to be known is the mobile game and they had only $2 billion at first but it sharply surge to $7 billion in the year 2006. Overrall, it can be concluded that the sales of handheld games, mobile phone games, and online games increased a lot, though the 2 latter games started late. However, console games lost its popularity in just 6 years.
The bar graph compares the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of 4
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of digital
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games
between the years 2000 to 2006.

From the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the
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year
2000, the high
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sale
of handheld
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games
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as the highest of all
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games
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below $12
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billion
and it
Did you mean "reaches"?
reach
its peak to near $18
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billion
in 2006.
In contrast
, console
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games
, which was the 2nd to the highest
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sale
with $6
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billion
in 2000,
dramatically
decline
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
value to $3
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billion
after 6 years.

Online
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games
and mobile phone
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games
were not popular at
first
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to climb in 2001 and 2002
respectively
. Online
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games
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started
with around $1
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billion
and it
Did you mean "increases"?
increase
significantly
to around $9
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billion
after 5 years. The last game to
be known
is the mobile
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
game and
they had
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only
$2
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billion
at
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
sharply
Did you mean "surges"?
surge
to $7
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billion
in the
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year
2006.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Overrall
, it can
be concluded
that the
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sales
of handheld
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games
, mobile phone
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games
, and online
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games
increased a lot, though the 2 latter
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games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
late.
However
, console
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
lost its popularity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
6 years.
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IELTS academic The bar graph shows the global sales (in billion of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
190 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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