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The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club.

The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club. n6dYP
The bar graph shows the number of men and women who were full-time members of the health club in Miami and Florida in the year 2017 and the pie chart compares the percentage of male and female members belonging to various age groups. Overall, more men than women used the health club in the year 2017. The number of members spiked during the months of June, July, August and September. The majority of members of Miami and Florida health club belonged to the age group of 21-45. In the month of January, 500 females and around 670 males used the health club. By the month of June, the male and female members who used the club had increased to around 850 and 700 respectively. The number of male members were the highest in June and the number of female numbers were the highest in August and September. In December, there was a decline in the number of both male and female members. More than half of the male members who used the club were between the age group of 21-45. Fifty percent of the female members also belonged to this age group. While 25% of males who used the health club were above 65 years of age, 31% of female members were also above the age of 65.
The bar graph
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shows
the
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number
of
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men
and women
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who
were full-time
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members
of the
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health
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club
in Miami and Florida in the year 2017 and the pie chart compares the percentage of male and
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female
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members
belonging to various
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age
groups.

Overall
, more
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men
than women
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used
the
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health
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club
in the year 2017. The
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number
of
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members
spiked during the months of June, July, August and September. The majority of
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members
of Miami and Florida
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health
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club
belonged to the
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age
group of 21-45.

In the month of
When specifying a month and year, the comma is unnecessary: "January 500".
January, 500
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females
and around 670
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males
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used
the
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health
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club
. By the month of June, the male and
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female
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members
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who
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used
the
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club
had increased to around 850 and 700
respectively
. The
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number
of male
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members
were the highest in June and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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female
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numbers
were the highest in August and September. In December, there was a decline in the
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number
of both male and
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female
members.

More than half of the male
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members
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who
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used
the
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club
were between the
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age
group of 21-45. Fifty percent of the
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female
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members
also
belonged to this
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age
group. While 25% of
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males
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
were above 65 years of
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age
, 31% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
were
also
above the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
218 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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