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The bar graph shows data on the number of visitors in the museums in Britain

The bar graph shows data on the number of visitors in the museums in Britain 7JqY3
The bar chart denotes the statistics of attendants in four different British museums from June to December. Overall, all four museums experienced an oscillation in the visits throughout five months. It is, moreover, clear that the British Museum had the most visitors of the listed places. Over three months since June, the History Museum and British Museum shared the same upward tendency in the attendance from just above 400000 to nearly 600000 and over 700000 respectively. For the last three months, the figure for the History Museum went into free-fall by about 400000. Those for the British, likewise, took a nosedive down to approximately 450000. In terms of the other museums, the National and the Science revealed two different trends in the number of visitors. While the proportion for the Science Museum, with little difference, prevailed consistently at above 400000, the visitors welcomed to the National Museum rocketed from about 200000 to 300000 in the first three months. In contrast, the National’s attendance statistics, by only a small decline, seemed to plateau at around 200000, those of the Science Museum plummeted more tremendously from 500000 to 300000 over the subsequent two months.
The bar chart denotes the statistics of attendants in four
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different
British
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museums
from June to December.

Overall
, all four
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museums
experienced an oscillation in the visits throughout five
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months
. It is,
moreover
,
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clear
that the British
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Museum
had the most visitors of the listed places.

Over three
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months
since June, the History
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Museum
and British
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Museum
shared the same upward tendency in the attendance from
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just
above 400000 to
nearly
600000 and over 700000
respectively
. For the last three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
, the figure for the History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
went into free-fall by about 400000. Those for the British,
likewise
, took a nosedive down to approximately 450000.

In terms of the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, the National and the Science revealed two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
trends in the number of visitors. While the proportion for the Science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
difference, prevailed
consistently
at above 400000, the visitors welcomed to the National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
rocketed from about 200000 to 300000 in the
first
three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
.
In contrast
, the National’s attendance statistics, by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
decline, seemed to plateau at around 200000, those of the Science
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Museum
plummeted more
tremendously
from 500000 to 300000 over the subsequent two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
.
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IELTS academic The bar graph shows data on the number of visitors in the museums in Britain

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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