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the chart and graph below illustrates the participants entered the olympics.

the chart and graph below illustrates the participants entered the olympics. p50g9
The bar and graph chart illustrate the information about the amount of male and female participants in Olympics. How the participants rate climbing between 1924 to 2012. Firstly, in 1924 the mens were at the peak and womens were very low. The drastic different between both gender. Then 1952 the blue bar increased half the proportion of 1924 result. Orange bar grow up to half of 1000 participants. Followed by male were just over the 5000, female climbed over 1000 in 1984. Finally in 2012, males were approximately below 6000 participants. Women rapidly growth three times better than the result of 1984. And it's nearly 5000 and greater than men's in 1952. In second graph, the number of participants in y-axis and years in x-axis. It shows the growth of participants increased between 1924-2012. The graph slightly rose from below 4000 to just over 6000 In 1984. After that it peaked to one thousand above in 2012 because of female contestant went up from 1984.
The bar and graph chart illustrate the information about the amount of male and female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
in Olympics. How the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
rate climbing
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1924 and 2012".
between 1924 to 2012
.

Firstly
, in 1924 the
Possible spelling mistake found.
mens
were at the peak and
Possible spelling mistake found.
womens
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low. The drastic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
between both gender. Then 1952 the blue bar increased half the proportion of 1924 result. Orange bar grow up to half of 1000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
. Followed by male were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over the 5000, female climbed over 1000 in 1984.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
in 2012, males were approximately below 6000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
. Women
rapidly
growth three times better than the result of 1984. And it's
nearly
5000 and greater than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's in 1952.

In second graph, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
in y-axis and years in x-axis. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
increased between 1924-2012. The graph
slightly
rose from below 4000 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 6000 In 1984.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
that it peaked to one thousand above in 2012
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of female contestant went up from 1984.
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IELTS academic the chart and graph below illustrates the participants entered the olympics.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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