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The bar graph shows about the proportion of students visit to Britain. Make comparisons where relevant.

The bar graph shows about the proportion of students visit to Britain. Make comparisons where relevant. KydO6
The bar graph depicts the information about that how much students move to the UK for study purpose. Overview, the most striking feature is that largest percentage of students visited the Britain from India, whereas least amount of students from Cyprus. At the fleeting glance, it is immensely clear, in 1990, students, who came from India, was recorded around 1000 as compared to the New Zealand students which experienced at above 600.
The bar graph depicts the information about that how
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the UK for study purpose. Overview, the most striking feature is that largest percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
visited the Britain from India, whereas least amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from Cyprus.

At the fleeting glance, it is
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, in 1990,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, who came from India,
was recorded
around 1000 as compared to the New Zealand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which experienced at above 600.

IELTS academic The bar graph shows about the proportion of students visit to Britain. Make comparisons where relevant.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
72 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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