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The bar graph show information about spending and test grades in the Riverdale Public School system

The bar graph show information about spending and test grades in the Riverdale Public School system PLr9j
The bar graphs north illustrates the spending and test grades in the Riverdale Public School system from the year 2000 to 2015. It was noticed that there was a steep but steady decline in the spending per pupil as well as a slight and continuous reduction in the percentage of students able to secure passing grades. Between the year 2000 and 2005, the amount of money spent per pupil dropped by 2000 dollars. Likewise, the percentage of students getting passing grades dropped slightly to just under 85 percent in the same year. Also seen in the course of 15 years, is the 4000 dollars difference in the amount of money spent by students. Although, the difference in the number of students able to achieve the necessary grades needed to pass the maths and reading test is not as large when compared to that in the graph that displays the amount spent per pupil, the difference is still noticed.
The bar graphs north illustrates the spending and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
in the Riverdale Public School system from the year 2000 to 2015.

It
was noticed
that there was a steep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
steady decline in the spending per pupil
as well
as a slight and continuous reduction in the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
able to secure passing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
. Between the year 2000 and 2005, the amount of money spent per pupil dropped by 2000 dollars.
Likewise
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
getting passing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
dropped
slightly
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 85 percent in the same year.

Also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the course of 15 years, is the 4000 dollars difference in the amount of money spent by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Although, the difference in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
able to achieve the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
needed to pass the
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
is not as large when compared to that in the graph that displays the amount spent per pupil, the difference is
still
noticed.
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IELTS academic The bar graph show information about spending and test grades in the Riverdale Public School system

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
158 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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