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The bar graph information about computers and internet ( per 1.000 inhabitants) in the Arap 9 differents cities.

The bar graph information about computers and internet ( per 1. 000 inhabitants) in the Arap 9 differents cities. 2KWYA
The bar graph information about computers and internet ( per 1. 000 inhabitants) in the Arap 9 differents cities. Overall, it is clear that most highest used internet per 1000 inhabitans with UAE while, was the lowest user computer per 1000 habitants in Syria. According to bar graph, was the use of internet highest number of almost with 350. 000 in the UAE. Followed by, Kuwait with 100. 000, Lebonan with aproximately 75. 000, Oman with about 45. 000, Jordan with around 40. 000, respectively. After that, Egypth, Moroca and S. Arabia had some percentages with roughly 20. 000. All these cities in the Syria was the lowest percentages of using internet with around 5. 000. When it comes to computers ( per 1. 000 inhabitants ) firstly with around 155. 000 persons had computers in the UAE. Secondly with about 130. 000 persons in Kuwait, thirdly with around 60. 000 persons in S. Arabia, fourdly with 50. 000 persons in with around 40. 000 persons in Lebonan. Followed by, Oman with around 45. 000 persons, Jordan with around 40. 000 persons, S. Arabia with around 20. 000 persons, Egypth with around 10. 000 persons, respectively. In the conclusion, comparison with used of computers and internet it can be seen a lot of cities undeveloped in the Arap World.
The bar graph information about computers and internet
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
per 1. 000 inhabitants) in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Arap
9
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differents
cities.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
Use only "highest" (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
most highest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
internet per 1000
Possible spelling mistake found.
inhabitans
A determiner is probably missing here: "with the UAE".
with UAE
while, was the lowest user computer per 1000 habitants in Syria.

According to bar graph, was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
number of almost with 350. 000 in the UAE. Followed by, Kuwait with 100. 000,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lebonan
with
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aproximately
75. 000, Oman with about 45.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
, Jordan with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
40.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
,
respectively
. After that,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Egypth
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moroca
and S. Arabia had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
percentages with roughly 20. 000. All these cities in the Syria was the lowest percentages of using internet with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
5. 000.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to computers
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
per 1. 000 inhabitants
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
firstly
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
155. 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
had computers in the UAE.
Secondly
with about 130. 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
in Kuwait,
thirdly
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
60. 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
in S. Arabia,
Possible spelling mistake found.
fourdly
with 50.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
in with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
40.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lebonan
. Followed by, Oman with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
45. 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
, Jordan with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
40. 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
, S. Arabia with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
20.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Egypth
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
10.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
,
respectively
.

In the conclusion, comparison with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
of computers and internet it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cities undeveloped in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Arap
World.
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IELTS academic The bar graph information about computers and internet ( per 1. 000 inhabitants) in the Arap 9 differents cities.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
219 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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