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The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of dif erent employment status.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of dif erent employment status. n6byE
The bar chart compares the amount of free time per week that males and females of five categories of employment status had between 1998 and 1999. It is clear that men enjoyed more hours of leisure time per week than women in three out of five categories. However, only figures for women are shown in two categories, namely employed part-time and housewives. Regarding the full-time employed, obviously men had slightly more leisure time than women, with approximately 45 hours of free time per week, compared to around 38 hours for women. Obviously, unemployed and retired people of both genders enjoyed the most hours of leisure time. Moreover, the figures for retired males and females were exactly the same as those for the unemployed, at around 85 and 78 hours of free time per week, respectively. Housewives enjoyed 50 hours of spare time, a little more than part-time working women who had just over 40 leisure hours each week. No data is given for men in either of these categories.
The bar chart compares the amount of free
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time
per
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week
that males and

females of five
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categories
of employment status had between 1998 and 1999.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
enjoyed more
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hours
of leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
than women

in three out of five
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categories
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
figures for
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women
are shown
in

two
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categories
,
namely
employed part-time and housewives.

Regarding the full-time employed,
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
had
slightly
more leisure

time than
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women
, with approximately 45
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hours
of free
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time
per week,

compared to around 38
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hours
for
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women
.
Obviously
, unemployed and retired

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of both genders enjoyed the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Moreover
, the

figures for retired males and females were exactly the same as those for the

unemployed, at around 85 and 78
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hours
of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
per
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week
,
respectively
.

Housewives enjoyed 50
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hours
of spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more than part-time

working
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women
who had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 40 leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
. No data is

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in either of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
categories
.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of dif erent employment status.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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