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The bar graph illustrates the proportion of senior citizens in three countries in 1980, 2000 and 2030.

The bar graph illustrates the proportion of senior citizens in three countries in 1980, 2000 and 2030. ABpdn
The bar graph illustrates the proportion of senior citizens in three countries in 1980, 2000 and 2030. In general, it can be seen that the highest percentage of elder population also has belonged to Germany in all three periods. First of all, if we look at 1980, the proportion of 65 and over population in Germany headed the countries with 15%, making it slightly higher than that in the UK with about 13%. Bottom of the list is this percentage in Canada at 10%. Regarding 2000, the UK and Canada had similar percentage of elders at 15%, although this was much lower than Germany by 5%. As for 2030, the proportion of Canadian elders is expected to be not nearly as high as that of German elders, with 25% compared to nearly 22% respectively. The country is predicted to have the lowest percentage is the UK with approximately 20%.
The bar graph illustrates the proportion of senior citizens in three countries in 1980, 2000 and 2030.

In general
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
population
also
has belonged to Germany in all three periods.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if we look at 1980, the proportion of 65 and over population in Germany headed the countries with 15%, making it
slightly
higher than that in the UK with about 13%. Bottom of the list is this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in Canada at 10%. Regarding 2000, the UK and Canada had similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
at 15%, although this was much lower than Germany by 5%. As for 2030, the proportion of Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be not
nearly
as high as that of German
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
, with 25% compared to
nearly
22%
respectively
. The country
is predicted
to have the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
is the UK with approximately 20%.

IELTS academic The bar graph illustrates the proportion of senior citizens in three countries in 1980, 2000 and 2030.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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