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The bar graph illustrates the proportion of food consumed

The bar graph illustrates the proportion of food consumed p5VQ2
The bar graph illustrates the proportion of food consumed daily by British people divided into three catogeries (men, women, and children) over 8 years. Overall, it’s noticeable from the graph that women had the highest percentage of food consumed per day following by men whereas children had the lowest proportion from the year of 2001 to 2008. According to what is shown, in the first three years both British males and children percentage of fruit of vegetables consumed remained the same as opposed to females which showed a moderate increase in healthy food consumption from 23 % to 29%. In the following years, UK males, women, and children showed a significant rise from (over 20 % to just under 30 %), (29% to over 30%), (over 15 % to just under 25 %) respectively. However, following the year 2006 to 2008 the amount of food ate by British women had gradullay decreased from 40 % to 30 %. In comparsion, in the same period UK men food consumption remained stable then gradullay decreased in 2008, British children percentage of food ate were fluctuated.
The bar graph illustrates the proportion of
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food
consumed daily by British
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people
divided into three
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catogeries
(
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men
,
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women
, and
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children)
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over
8 years.

Overall
, it’s noticeable from the graph that
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women
had the highest percentage of
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food
consumed per day following by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
whereas
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children
had the lowest proportion from the
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year
of 2001 to 2008.

According to what
is shown
, in the
first
three years both British males and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
percentage of fruit of vegetables consumed remained the same as opposed to females which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a moderate increase in healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption from 23 % to 29%. In the following years, UK males,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a significant rise from
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(over
20 % to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 30 %), (29% to
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over
30%),
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(over
15 % to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 25 %)
respectively
.
However
, following the
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year
2006 to 2008 the amount of
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food
ate by British
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women
had
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gradullay
decreased from 40 % to 30 %. In
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comparsion
, in the same period UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption remained stable then
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gradullay
decreased in 2008, British
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children
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
ate
were fluctuated
.
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IELTS academic The bar graph illustrates the proportion of food consumed

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
183 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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