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The bar graph illustrates the number of graduate and post graduate students who did various activities other than full time work in Unite Kingdom (2008).

The bar graph illustrates the number of graduate and post graduate students who did various activities other than full time work in Unite Kingdom (2008). DNyoE
The bar graph illustrates the number of graduate and post graduate students who did various activities other than full time work in Unite Kingdom (2008). Overall, most of the students preferred to study further and work part time, whereas, least number of students opted to do voluntary work. The graduate students chose to study further, after their graduation in the year 2008 which was about 30 thousand. Secondly, roughly around 17 thousand students preferred to work part time jobs in UK. The least number of students chose to take part in voluntary work in the country (3. 5 thousand). Meanwhile, a large number of students chose to be idle after graduation in the year 2008 (16, 522 to be exact). When looking at the data's of post graduate students, maximum number of students preferred further education (2735) and also, the part time students showed nearly similar numbers (2535) to that of the students who went for higher studies. The unemployment rates quoted 1625 in UK similar trend to that of the graduation chart and for the enrollment in voluntary work showed less popularity among the students in UK.
The bar graph illustrates the
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number
of
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graduate
and post
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graduate
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students
who did various activities other than full
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time
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work
in Unite Kingdom (2008).
Overall
, most of the
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students
preferred to study
further
and
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work
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part
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time
, whereas,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
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number
of
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students
opted to do voluntary work.

The
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graduate
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students
chose to study
further
, after their graduation in the year 2008 which was about 30 thousand.
Secondly
, roughly around 17 thousand
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students
preferred to
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work
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part
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time
jobs in UK. The least
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number
of
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students
chose to take
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part
in voluntary
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work
in the country (3. 5 thousand). Meanwhile, a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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students
chose to be idle after graduation in the year 2008 (16, 522 to be exact).

When looking at the data's of post
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graduate
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students
, maximum
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number
of
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students
preferred
further
education (2735) and
also
, the
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part
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time
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students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
nearly
similar
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numbers
(2535) to that of the
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students
who went for higher studies. The unemployment rates quoted 1625 in UK similar trend to that of the graduation chart and for the enrollment in voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
less popularity among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in UK.
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IELTS academic The bar graph illustrates the number of graduate and post graduate students who did various activities other than full time work in Unite Kingdom (2008).

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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