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The bar graph illustrates how the money was expended on Asia, Europe and US in different form of entertainment over the next five year

The bar graph illustrates how the money was expended on Asia, Europe and US in different form of entertainment over the next five year pXgwa
The bar graph illustrates how the money was expended on Asia, Europe and US in different form of entertainment over the next five year Overall, in the beginning of the year in Asia it was very less amount of money was consumed in five year while in the Europe it was average amount of money was used up. However in United State it was large volume of money was paid out as compare to Asia and Europe. In regard, in five year in Asia it was very less money expended in different kind of entertainment in 1995 the less amount of money was spent on cinema and in the year of 2000 the spent money was increased somehow on cinema while in Europe the equal amount of money was consumed on television as compared to Asia in the year of 2000 and then it raised over the next five year in Europe. United State spent hugely amount of money in different sector on entertainment the very high volume of money was used on publishing in the five year of period
The bar graph illustrates how the
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money
was expended
on Asia, Europe and US in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
form of entertainment over the
next
five year

Overall
, in the beginning of the
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year
in Asia it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was consumed
in five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
while in the Europe it was average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
up.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in United State it was large volume of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was paid
out as compare to Asia and Europe.

In regard, in five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
in Asia it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
expended in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of entertainment in 1995 the less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was spent
on cinema and in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 2000 the spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was increased
somehow on cinema while in Europe the equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was consumed
on television as compared to Asia in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 2000 and then it raised over the
next
five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
in Europe.

United State spent
hugely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sector on entertainment the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high volume of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on publishing in the five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of period
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IELTS academic The bar graph illustrates how the money was expended on Asia, Europe and US in different form of entertainment over the next five year

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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