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The Bar graph elucidates the amount of money spent in different forms of entertainment in different countries over a period of 5 years between 1995 and 2000.

The Bar graph elucidates the amount of money spent in different forms of entertainment in different countries over a period of 5 years between 1995 and 2000. QKKg9
The Bar graph elucidates the amount of money spent in different forms of entertainment in different countries over a period of 5 years between 1995 and 2000. Overall, the amount spent in 2000 combined for different forms of entertainment was seen to be higher than in 1995 in all three countries. The money spent on televion by asia was slight less than a quarter, where as europe and united states spent around an half. There was an increase in the amount spent on televion by all the countries from 1995 to 2000. The amount of money spent by united states on publishing was constant over the period of five years. Europe and asia has spent significantly lesser amount on publishing compared to United states which was seen to be around one third. The amount spent on video and cinema by all the countries was found to be in a neglible proportion. The amount spent on music by asia and united states was found to increase slightly whereas by europe it was found to be steady over the same period.
The Bar graph elucidates the
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amount
of money
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spent
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms of entertainment in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries over a period of 5 years between 1995 and 2000.

Overall
, the
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amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
in 2000 combined for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms of entertainment was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to be higher than in 1995 in all three countries.

The money
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spent
on
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televion
by
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asia
was slight less than a quarter,
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
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europe
and
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united
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states
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
around
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
half. There was an increase in the
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amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on
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televion
by all the countries from 1995 to 2000.

The
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amount
of money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
by
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united
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
on publishing was constant over the period of five years. Europe and
Possible spelling mistake found.
asia
has
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spent
significantly
lesser
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amount
on publishing compared to
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United
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states
which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to be around one third.

The
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amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on video and cinema by all the countries
was found
to be in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
neglible
proportion. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on music by
Possible spelling mistake found.
asia
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
united
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
was found
to increase
slightly
whereas by
Possible spelling mistake found.
europe
it
was found
to be steady over the same period.
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IELTS academic The Bar graph elucidates the amount of money spent in different forms of entertainment in different countries over a period of 5 years between 1995 and 2000.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
179 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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