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The bar graph describe the information about music album by the different sex and age.

The bar graph describe the information about music album by the different sex and age. m2oxO
The three bar graphs compare the distinct music albums such as the pop, rock and classical music which were bought by the Britons associated to gender and age. Overall, pop music and rock music dominated among those Britishers who were in age of 16-24 and youngsters, whilst the trend of classical music was the highest among older people. In terms of pop music, around 30% male purchased it, whereas the percentage of female plunged to nearly 20% and that trend was almost similar when it comes to rock music. Apart from that, 25-34 years old Britons gavee priority to pop music and rock music accounted for one-third; however, older's interest was least in that types of music albums. Additionally, data of the males in classical music was witnessed to just beneath one-tenth Which was bit higher than female. In terms of youngsters, showed their interest in purchasing classical albums for 15%, whereas middle age people's data fell down to below 5%. Interestingly, the trend of buying classical music was reached its Pinnacle to one-fifth among 45+ age group.
The three bar graphs compare the distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
albums such as the pop,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by the Britons associated to gender and age.

Overall
, pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
dominated among those Britishers who were in age of 16-24 and youngsters, whilst the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was the highest among older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In terms of pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, around 30% male
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
it, whereas the percentage of female plunged to
nearly
20% and that trend was almost similar when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Apart from that, 25-34 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Britons
Possible spelling mistake found.
gavee
priority to pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
accounted for one-third;
however
, older's interest was least in that types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
albums.
Additionally
, data of the males in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was witnessed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
beneath one-tenth Which was
Consider using a past participle here: "bitten".
bit
higher than female. In terms of youngsters,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
their interest in purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
albums for 15%, whereas middle age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's data fell down to below 5%.
Interestingly
, the trend of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was reached
its Pinnacle to one-fifth among 45+ age group.
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IELTS academic The bar graph describe the information about music album by the different sex and age.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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