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The bar graph depicts the attendance of both genders in a wide range of popular sports in the UK during the year of 2008.

The bar graph depicts the attendance of both genders in a wide range of popular sports in the UK during the year of 2008. j5MAL
The bar graph depicts the attendance of both genders in a wide range of popular sports in the UK during the year 2008. Overall, swimming is the most popular pastime in England, whilst the graph demonstrates a reverse pattern in jogging. In addition to this, soccer and netball have the discrepancy between both genders’ attendance. As previously stated, both sexes' interests in swimming and the other which are not shown in this chart. Especially swimming, with roughly 23% for females and 14% for males. Furthermore, both genders are also attracted by tennis, basketball, table tennis, jogging, and cricket. The volume of females and their masculine counterparts do not have too much discrepancy. However, the total number of players in these sport is not high, approximately 15% for each one. Looking at the chart for more details, the remaining physical activities have a significant consideration in both sexes. To be more detailed, soccer is the most common sport amongst males that is expressed by nearly 24% belong to masculine and only a mere minority of females that just around 5%. On the other aspect in netball, the amount of feminine playing this sport is up to 25% whilst the data of males is just below 3%.
The bar graph depicts the attendance of both genders in a wide range of popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the UK during the year 2008.

Overall
, swimming is the most popular pastime in England, whilst the graph demonstrates a reverse pattern in jogging.
In addition
to this, soccer and netball have the discrepancy between both genders’ attendance.

As previously stated, both sexes' interests in swimming and the other which are not shown in this chart.
Especially
swimming, with roughly 23% for females and 14% for males.
Furthermore
, both genders are
also
attracted by tennis, basketball, table tennis, jogging, and cricket. The volume of females and their masculine counterparts do not have too much discrepancy.
However
, the total number of players in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is not high, approximately 15% for each one.

Looking at the chart for more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the remaining physical activities have a significant consideration in both sexes. To be more detailed, soccer is the most common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
amongst males that
is expressed
by
nearly
24% belong to masculine and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a mere minority of females that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
around 5%. On the other aspect in netball, the amount of feminine playing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is up to 25% whilst the data of males is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 3%.

IELTS academic The bar graph depicts the attendance of both genders in a wide range of popular sports in the UK during the year of 2008.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
205 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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