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the amount of global sales by 5 main mobile phone brands

the amount of global sales by 5 main mobile phone brands Gljqm
The bar chart compares and contrasts data on the changes in the amount of global sales by 5 main mobile phone brands, over a course of five years, starting from 2009. Overall, a closer look at the graph highlights the fact that the amount of global sales by Nokia and LG witnessed decreases, the opposite was true for that by Samsung, apple and ZTE throughout the period shown. Looking at the bar chart in the more detail, the amount of unit sold by Apple and Samsung began 20 and 140 millions in 2009 respectively, the figure for apple was the lowest in the period, and then rose significantly to roughly 150 and 450 millions in that order over the same time. Besides, the figure for ZTE saw a slight growth from 50 milllionsin 2009 to approximatly 60 millions in 2013. Beginning at 450 millions during the first year of the period, the amount of global sales by Nokia dropped slowly in 2011 before declining considerably to 250 in 2013. There was a gradual reduction by about 50 millions in the figure for LG, which began at 130 million in 2009.
The bar chart compares and contrasts data on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of global sales by 5 main mobile phone brands, over a course of five years, starting from 2009.

Overall
, a closer look at the graph highlights the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of global sales by Nokia and LG witnessed decreases, the opposite was true for that by Samsung, apple and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZTE
throughout the period shown.

Looking at the bar chart in the more detail, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of unit sold by Apple and Samsung began 20 and 140
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millions
in 2009
respectively
, the figure for apple was the lowest in the period, and then rose
significantly
to roughly 150 and 450
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
in that order over the same time.
Besides
, the figure for
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZTE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a slight growth
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 50 to 2009"?
from 50 milllionsin 2009
to
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approximatly
60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
in 2013.

Beginning at 450
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millions
during the
first
year of the period, the
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amount
of global sales by Nokia dropped
slowly
in 2011
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
declining
considerably
to 250 in 2013. There was a gradual reduction by about 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
in the figure for LG, which began at 130
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2009.
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IELTS academic the amount of global sales by 5 main mobile phone brands

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
190 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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