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The bar graph demonstrates the result of a study on city- dwellers' routine regarding their choice of buying and consuming cafein-containing drinks, in this case are fresh coffee, instant coffee, and tea, across five cities in Australia over a month. Units are given in percentage.

The bar graph demonstrates the result of a study on city- dwellers' routine regarding their choice of buying and consuming cafein-containing drinks, in this case are fresh coffee, instant coffee, and tea, across five cities in Australia over a month. Units are given in percentage. X7PMN
The bar graph demonstrates the result of a study on city- dwellers' routine regarding their choice of buying and consuming cafein-containing drinks, in this case are fresh coffee, instant coffee, and tea, across five cities in Australia over a month. Units are given in percentage. Overall, a major number of inhabitants in the cities was prone to go out and have a drink in a cafés, with a slightly different pattern in Adelaide. When it came to buying coffee, instant coffee oversold its fresh counterpart in five cities. Looking specifically at the proportion of two kinds of coffee sold, it is obvious that the city-dwellers prefer instant coffee to fresh one. Especially in Hobart and Brisbane where the rate of instant coffee bought is around 54% and 53% while the rate of fresh one was roughly 37% and 34%, respectively. Sydney, where the dichotomy between the two kinds of coffee bought was minor, the proportion of instant coffee was higher than the fresh one at the rate of over 45% to around 43%. Regarding to spending time at a café for drinking tea or coffee, most inhabitants showed more interests in this activity, with the minute difference for those living in Adelaide, where half of the inhabitants prefered to buy instant coffee rather than go to a café for one (49%). The top cities with the highest rate of city residents spending time in a café were Melbourne and Hobart at around 63% both. The second highest, which was over 60%, was recorded by Sydney's population.
The bar graph demonstrates the result of a study on city- dwellers' routine regarding their choice of buying and consuming
Possible spelling mistake found.
cafein-containing
drinks,
in this case
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
, instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
, and tea, across five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in Australia over a month. Units are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in percentage.

Overall
, a major number of inhabitants in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
was prone to go out and have a drink in
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a café" or simply "cafés"?
a cafés
, with a
slightly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pattern in Adelaide. When it came to buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
, instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
oversold its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
counterpart in five cities.

Looking
specifically
at the proportion of two kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
sold, it is obvious that the city-dwellers prefer instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
one.
Especially
in Hobart and Brisbane where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
is around 54% and 53% while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
one was roughly 37% and 34%,
respectively
. Sydney, where the dichotomy between the two kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
was minor, the proportion of instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
was higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
one at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of over 45% to around 43%.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
spending time at a café for drinking tea or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
, most inhabitants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
more interests in this activity, with the minute difference for those living in Adelaide, where half of the inhabitants
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "preferred", the past tense form of the verb 'prefer'?
prefered
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
rather
than go to a café for one (49%). The top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
with the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of city residents spending time in a café were Melbourne and Hobart at around 63% both. The second highest, which was over 60%,
was recorded
by Sydney's population.
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IELTS academic The bar graph demonstrates the result of a study on city- dwellers' routine regarding their choice of buying and consuming cafein-containing drinks, in this case are fresh coffee, instant coffee, and tea, across five cities in Australia over a month. Units are given in percentage.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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