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The bar graph demonstrates information about the global sales which are games software, CDs, and DVDs or video between 2000 to 2003.

The bar graph demonstrates information about the global sales which are games software, CDs, and DVDs or video between 2000 to 2003. aQpRP
The bar graph demonstrates the data from 2000 to 2003 about the international purchases of games software, CDs, and DVD or video. Looking from an overall perspective, it is clearly seen that CDs was the most popular option, and games software were the least option to be purchased. Initially, there is an enormous difference between CDs sales and other alternatives. CDs reached almost 35% and began its peakist point ever. DVD or video and games software started at 17% and 12%. Both alternatives were slightly increasing in 2001 which means DVD or video jumped at 27%. The rate of DVD or video sales significantly increased at approximately 31% in 2003. CDs global sales gradually declined over time, but they managed to come back at 33% at the end of the period given. Nevertheless, the sales of games software was remain stable at around 17%, which is the peakist position of it, during 2002 to 2003.
The bar graph demonstrates the data from 2000 to 2003 about the international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
, and DVD or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
. Looking from an
overall
perspective, it is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
was the most popular option, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
were the least option to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
.

Initially
, there is an enormous difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and other alternatives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
reached almost 35% and began its
Possible spelling mistake found.
peakist
point ever. DVD or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 17% and 12%. Both alternatives were
slightly
increasing in 2001 which means DVD or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
jumped at 27%. The rate of DVD or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
significantly
increased at approximately 31% in 2003.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
gradually
declined over time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they managed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back at 33% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.
Nevertheless
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
was
Consider using a past participle here: "remained".
remain
stable at around 17%, which is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
peakist
position of it, during 2002 to 2003.
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IELTS academic The bar graph demonstrates information about the global sales which are games software, CDs, and DVDs or video between 2000 to 2003.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
155 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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