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Bar chart of average rainfall

Bar chart of average rainfall O6AVG
First of all, these graphs had similar trends: they recorded the highest amount in January and had downtrends for around eight-month, following increases. However, there were only four months the amount of the last year overtook the standard amount during the last four decades. March, May, June, and November. The last year’s rainfall in May was slightly less than 40mm and exceeded the normal amount for the last 40 years, almost 30mm. On the other hand, the forty-year average amount of rainfall in October was approximately 30 mm, which was three times as large as the whole amount of the last year in the same timing, about 10mm. (167) The pie charts below show the amount of electricity generated by energy sources in Scotland for 20 years ago and last year. : source The pie charts compared the percentages of the energy source of generating electricity in Scotland for 20 years ago with that of last year. Overall, most sources reduced their proportions throughout the two decades. In 20 years ago, coal was the main source of electricity and accounted for 41. 4%, following gas and nuclear, 22. 3% in the former and 19. 6% in the latter. Other resources, such as Hydro natural flow, Hydro pumped storage, oil, and other renewables had less than a 10% ratio only. Turning to the last year, there were various transformations in sources of electricity. The percentage of coal largely decreased to 32. 7%, although it still had the largest occupation. There were moderate reductions in the relative size of Gas, hydro pumped storage, and hydro natural flow, too. However, Nuclear significantly increased the relative number to 26. 4%. The proportion of oil and other renewal sources also grew almost twice, whilst they were still minor. (153)
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, these graphs had similar trends: they recorded the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
in January and had downtrends for around eight-month, following increases.
However
, there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
four months the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
overtook the standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
during the last four decades. March, May, June, and November. The last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year’s
rainfall in May was
slightly
less than
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "40 mm"
40mm
and exceeded the normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
for the last 40 years, almost
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "30 mm"
30mm
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the forty-year average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of rainfall in October was approximately 30 mm, which was three times as large as the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
in the same timing, about
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "10 mm"
10mm
. (167)

The pie charts below
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
generated by energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
in Scotland for 20 years ago and last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
Loose punctuation mark.
:


source

The pie charts compared the percentages of the energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of generating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in Scotland for 20 years ago with that of last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
Overall
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
their proportions throughout the two decades.

In 20 years ago, coal was the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
and accounted for 41. 4%, following gas and nuclear, 22. 3% in the former and 19. 6% in the latter.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
resources, such as Hydro natural flow, Hydro pumped storage, oil, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
renewables had less than a 10% ratio
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

Turning to the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, there were various transformations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
. The percentage of coal
largely
decreased to 32. 7%, although it
still
had the largest occupation. There were moderate reductions in the relative size of Gas, hydro pumped storage, and hydro natural flow, too.
However
, Nuclear
significantly
increased the relative number to 26. 4%. The proportion of oil and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
renewal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
also
grew almost twice, whilst they were
still
minor. (153)
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IELTS academic Bar chart of average rainfall

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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