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The bar graph below shows the numbers of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia in the year 2003.

The bar graph below shows the numbers of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia in the year 2003. D6BPj
The bar chart compares numbers of male and female employees by seven job categories in Australia in 2003. Overall, it is clear that Australian employers recruited significantly more men than women in most job types. Of the seven work categories, the clerk was the most favorable job. From the chart, it can be seen that the figure for recruited men in trade was around 900, 000 employees, which was nine times more than that of women. Also, considerably more men than women working in production and managing, with a difference of roughly 500, 000 people in each job field. A smaller difference was in semi-profession and casual work, where men employees were over women around 100, 000 people. Employers in Australia hired well over 950, 000 women working in the position of clerk, which is the highest figure shown on the chart. By contrast, the numbers of women working in trade were the lowest overall workers, with roughly 100, 000 people.
The bar chart compares numbers of male and female employees by seven job categories in Australia in 2003.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that Australian employers recruited
significantly
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in most job types. Of the seven work categories, the clerk was the most favorable job.

From the chart, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the figure for recruited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in trade was around 900, 000 employees, which was nine times more than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Also
,
considerably
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
working in production and managing, with a difference of roughly 500, 000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in each job field. A smaller difference was in semi-profession and casual work, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
employees were over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
around 100, 000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Employers in Australia hired well over 950, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
working in the position of clerk, which is the highest figure shown on the chart. By contrast, the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
working in trade were the lowest
overall
workers, with roughly 100, 000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS academic The bar graph below shows the numbers of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia in the year 2003.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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