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The bar graph below shows the number of tourists visiting two different cities by season.

The bar graph below shows the number of tourists visiting two different cities by season. BwMLX
The bar graph shows how many tourists spent time in the cities Troy and Dover in spring, summer, fall and winter. The quantity of the tourists who travelled to Troy and Dover changes by each season. The quantity of tourists who spent time in Dover city increased significantly from spring to winter. Dover city had the highest number of tourists, with 25, 000 visits in winter. The season with the second highest number of visits was fall, with 20, 000 visitors. Then summer with 10, 000 visitors and finally spring had the lowest visitors number of the year with 5, 000. The number of tourists who traveled to Troy city were different in the summer and fall than they were in the spring and winter. Two seasons, which are summer and fall, had more visitors than winter and spring. The highest number of tourists granted to 23, 000 in summer. Then fall comes the number of visitors with 20, 000 almost the same as summer. After these two seasons, the number of visitors fell sharply. Winter and spring had the lowest number. 5, 000 tourists visited Troy city in winter and spring comes with the lowest number, above 5, 000. In general, Dover and Troy city welcomes tourists with changing visitor numbers every season of the year. Dover city was more popular in the winter and Troy city was more popular in summer.
The bar graph
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shows
how
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many
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tourists
spent time in the
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cities
Troy and Dover in spring,
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summer
,
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fall
and
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winter
. The quantity of the
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tourists
who travelled to Troy and Dover
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
by each season.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
quantity of
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tourists
who spent time in Dover city increased
significantly
from spring to
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winter
. Dover city had the highest
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number
of
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tourists
, with 25, 000 visits in
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winter
. The
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season
with the second highest
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number
of visits was
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fall
, with 20, 000
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visitors
. Then
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summer
with 10, 000
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visitors
and
finally
spring had the lowest
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visitors
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number
of the year with 5, 000.

The
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number
of
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tourists
who traveled to Troy city were
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different
in the
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summer
and
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fall
than they were in the spring and
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winter
. Two
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seasons
, which are
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summer
and
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fall
, had more
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visitors
than
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winter
and spring. The highest
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number
of
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tourists
granted to 23, 000 in
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summer
. Then
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fall
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comes
the
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number
of
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visitors
with 20, 000 almost the
Possible agreement error. The noun 'same' seems to be countable, so consider using: "sames".
same
as
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summer
. After these two
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seasons
, the
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number
of
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visitors
fell
sharply
.
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Winter
and spring had the lowest
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number
. 5, 000
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tourists
visited Troy city in
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winter
and spring
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comes
with the lowest
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number
, above 5, 000.

In general
, Dover and Troy city welcomes
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tourists
with changing
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visitor
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numbers
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
season
of the year. Dover city was more popular in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
and Troy city was more popular in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
.
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IELTS academic The bar graph below shows the number of tourists visiting two different cities by season.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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