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The bar graph below shows the leading causes of deaths by gender in Australia in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar graph below shows the leading causes of deaths by gender in Australia in 2014. pRNxy
The bar graph compares the proportion of men and woman who died in Australia in 2014 due to various diseases. It is evident that ischaemic heart diseases were the biggest cause of death for both males and females, accounting for 11082 and 9091, respectively. Dementia including Alzheimer disease and cerebrovascular diseases were more prevalent among women than man. Around 14000 females died from them, compared with about 8300 deaths in men. It is noticeable that trachea, bronchus and lung cancer as well as chronic lower respiratory diseases were major killers for men. These illnesses took like to approximately 9000 men as compared to 7000 women. Interestingly, diabetes had a similar mortality rate for both genders, with number just over 2000 in both cases. The other types of cancer such as blood and colon were also responsible for numerous of deaths for both sexes in that year. Overall, ischaemic heart diseases was responsible for the majority od deaths. Other causes of deaths reflect a gender bias: mental disorders killed more females, whereas respiratory diseases led to the loss of more males.
The bar graph compares the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and woman who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in Australia in 2014 due to various diseases.

It is evident that
Possible spelling mistake found.
ischaemic
heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
were the biggest cause of death for both males and females, accounting for 11082 and 9091,
respectively
. Dementia including Alzheimer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
and cerebrovascular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
were more prevalent among women than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. Around 14000 females
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
from them, compared with about 8300 deaths in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

It is noticeable that trachea, bronchus and lung cancer
as well
as chronic lower respiratory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
were major killers for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. These illnesses took like to approximately 9000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
as compared to 7000 women.
Interestingly
, diabetes had a similar mortality rate for both genders, with number
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 2000 in both cases. The other types of cancer such as blood and colon were
also
responsible for numerous of deaths for both sexes in that year.

Overall
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ischaemic
heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
was responsible for the majority
Possible spelling mistake found.
od
deaths. Other causes of deaths reflect a gender bias: mental disorders killed more females, whereas respiratory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
led to the loss of more males.
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IELTS academic The bar graph below shows the leading causes of deaths by gender in Australia in 2014.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
180 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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