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Internet user in three countries USA, Canada and Mexico

Internet user in three countries USA, Canada and Mexico 56pWP
The three line graphs indicates how the internet user fluctuated in three different countries, including USA, CANADA and MEXICO in the ten-year period from 1999 to 2009, with unit measured in percentage. Overall, a significant increase was seen in the internet user in three countries, however the figure for these of Canada accounted for a higher than USA and Mexico. In 1999, the proportion of internet user in USA was about 20% while the figure for Canada and Mexico were lower, at around 10% and 5%, respectively. In 2005, the internet user in USA and Mexico reached to 70% whereas there was a steady rose up 20% in the figure for Canada in the same year. In 2009, the proportion of people who using internet in Canada was hightest, 100% Canadians used internet compared with about 80% of American and 40%of Mexican.
The
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
three line
graphs indicates how the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
fluctuated in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries,
A determiner is probably missing here: "including the USA".
including USA
, CANADA and MEXICO in the ten-year period from 1999 to 2009, with unit measured in percentage.

Overall
, a significant increase was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
in three countries,
however
the figure for these of Canada accounted for a higher
A determiner is probably missing here: "than the USA".
than USA
and Mexico.

In 1999, the proportion of internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
was about 20% while the figure for Canada and Mexico were lower, at around 10% and 5%,
respectively
.

In 2005, the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
and Mexico reached to 70% whereas

there was a steady rose up 20% in the figure for Canada in the same year.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
2009, the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who using internet in Canada was
Possible spelling mistake found.
hightest
, 100% Canadians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
internet compared with about 80% of American and 40%of Mexican.
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IELTS academic Internet user in three countries USA, Canada and Mexico

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
142 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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